Getting sober and having the feeling of no longer NEEDING to get high to feel normal was/is such a blessing in my life, a true act of God’s miracle.
My sober journey has had it’s ups and downs and if I’m not spirutually fit, it’s easy for me to slip into new obsessions.
I’ve had experiences where I’ve made financial, relationships, social media etc. my new addictions and it’s similar symptoms of my relationship with drugs/alcohol.
I overthink, I get obsessive, and I start trying to fix my internal condition with an outside source and in the last ten years it’s NEVER worked.
But I’m grateful. I’m grateful that I am spiritually sensitive to this disconnect when it happens, and I get uncomfortable and it’s enough for me to want to start taking actions to get better.
Today, I’m spiritually awake enough for the slight disconnect to get my attention. In my addiction, I was so asleep to my spiritual condition that I needed to really cause a storm of confusion and discomfort in my life for me to be like “oh yeah I should probably do something about that.”
The spiritual awakening has given me the gift of sensitivity and today I don’t have to cause a huge storm in order for me to want to grow in a healthy direction. Today I’m falling in love with God’s growth for me instead of wanting/needing to run away from the misery of my own self induced crisis.
And one of the coolest things is that the same principles I practice in finding freedom from drugs/alcohol is the same thing that gives me access to freedom when I start to make wordly things my higher power instead of the infinite source that’s within me.
Sometimes I take a perfectionist view of this and try to be preventative and try to strategicaly figure out ways to not let this happen. But I don’t feel that’s what God wants for me. I get to live a messy adventurous life while being grounded with the infinite source within me. Because these mistakes and short comings I make in sobriety, without fail, will help a guy I’m mentoring in the future. Seriously... God never fails me with this. I will go through a spiritual growth spurt filled with amazing challenges. And later I find myself helping a guy who has almost the exact experience, I feel like God is giving me a wink and saying “see that’s why you experienced and grew from that... so you my help your fellow brothers.” It’s such a beautiful messy process and it reminds me of a quote out of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous “We have come to believe He would like us to keep our heads in the clouds with Him, but that our feet ought to be firmly planted on earth. That is where our fellow travelers are, and that is where our work must be done.” pg.130.