2. My addiction is not my fault but it is my responsibility

2. My addiction is not my fault but it is my responsibility. 

I remember, in the depths of my addiction, I would often wonder.. “why me?!”
Why did I get picked to have this terrible, haunting disease that causes me to hurt the people closest to me? Not to mention, destroy my mind and body to the point where I no longer wanted to live.
I would spend countless hours reviewing my life… trying to crack the code of why I can’t stop getting high. Was it a DNA predisposition?Was I destined to live this way? Was I a mutated reject of the human species? Am I just born to live this rotten lifestyle until my heart stops beating?! 
Being in treatment and spending so much thought and energy on who’s fault it was that I became an addict… I honestly can’t remember who or where I heard the statement “My addiction is not my fault but it is my responsibility.” 
And that seemed to be the answer- it truly resonated with me. I don’t believe that anyone truly chooses to become an addict. I sure as hell did not choose that. I may have chosen to experiment and try new things, but the whole being a slave to the needle idea. YEAH!…Definitely was not in the plan.
And by the time 2008 rolled around, it finally dawned on me. I don’t really care anymore why I am the way that I am- more importantly I’m interested in how to change it. 
That only became possible by seeing people before me walk the walk of recovery. And they told me I needed to take action, I needed to follow some steps, and I needed to do some daily spiritual disciplines if I were to change my life. And I bought that idea! 
At the time, that’s all I could afford.. I had no choice. And that’s exactly it! I had lost the power of choice of whether or not I was going to get high or not. 
I truly felt and believed step one to my core… that on my own will power I can not, NOT get high. 
But through a twelve step process, I could become empowered to no longer HAVE to get high. And thats exactly what the actions did for me. That restored my mind, body, and most importantly, restored my broken spirit. And still, to this day, the same daily disciplines and spiritual principles are the same guiding force that help me enjoy and contribute to life. (And a biproduct of that is that i get to stay sober.) 
But just like it was then, and still is today- responsibility to take actions- to walk the walk not just talk the talk. 
I am responsible for my recovery and also responsible to let others know that there’s a way out. And yes… I know it sounds like I’m contradicting myself, but it’s more of a paradox. “Of myself I am nothing the father doeth the works” is a quote from a book I like to read. While I know this quote sounds very western culture religious (personally I lean to eastern philosophy) it still rings true for me. 
That at ten years sober, I am just as powerless against putting a needle in my arm as I was at day 1. 
The only difference is that I’ve taken action that’s enabled a connection to a higher source that is empowering me to stay sober (I just happened to do that ten years in a row).
So if you’re out there struggling, or know someone who is… Please know that it is not their fault they are addicted, but also hold them accountable. That it is their responsibility. At least thats what has worked for me.